The Man I Love

8 Years ago, I married a man far stronger than I could ever imagine.  7 months before that I met him....he made me realize very quickly that a check list didn't mean squat when it came to finding the best thing that could ever happen to me, I knew from the moment I saw him stand up that he was the one for me...I could wear my 4inch stilletto's and still have room to reach his lips!!  Hey, I have my priorities, those hot momma red sexy stilletto's were getting lonely on the top shelf of the closet, they were desperate to be worn.....and boy have I been wearing those babies non-stop for 8 fabulous years and kissing those lips every chance I get to reach them!!

TJ is honestly the best thing to ever grace my life.  It is so nice to be able to have such a huge amount of trust and admiration for one person.  He has never disappointed me and never given me a reason to doubt his judgment.  He is the rock that keeps this family strong and motivated.  He can't be home this anniversary, but I know the kids and I are on his mind 24/7 while he is away.

Sending him an Anniversary card is so hard....and not because of the timing of the mail....they just simply don't have enough words in the english language to describe the love we share.  The love we share is because one man decided to take a chance on a spit-fire red head with a will so strong not even the devil hismself could break it.  I thank Jesus every day that His will was done and I relinquished control and put my faith in the King of our home and the King of Kings in our lives.
This is my love, my husband....
Determined
Kind
Devoted
Humorous
Stubborn
Fascinating
Just
Dignified
Strong
Powerful
Loving
Passionate
   & ALL Mine!!!!!!

Unforgettable

I remember the somber feeling, a loud uproar of complete silence. It was as if the whole world stopped and the only people in the moment were prophetically speechless.
We made our way down the walkway at the Vietnam Memorial, my husband, son, daughter and my parents...to say it is an experience I will never forget is an understatement. My father did 5 tours in Vietnam as a Navy SEAL, losing many friends and brothers. Although he had been there years before, it was important for him to share this with his grandson (my son) now 13 years old and his son-in-law (a Chief Petty Officer of the US Navy and my husband). This is a desire my father has had since my son was born and it was a promise he had made years ago to take him once he turned 10. I watched the posture of my men change with great pride and complete sorrow. To see the strength it took my father to go there a second time was inspiring and humbling. As the day went on we found several of daddy's friends and etched their names on the paper as a memento to take home and cherish.

All the names were fairly low on the wall and we were able to touch them and easily etch their names. The one name I heard all my life was not that easy to reach. The volunteers were kind enough to climb the longest ladder to the very top to etch the name for us. As this was happening, the bravest most intimidating man I know spoke with the most gentle and childlike tone, "Can I climb up there and touch Billy?" The volunteer kindly explained to us that they wouldn't allow people to climb the ladders; apparently they had had problems in the past. After the explanation, my father looked to my 6'8" husband and with tears in his eyes, asked his 'son', "TJ? Do you think you could lift me up there?" By this time, the tears were falling down my face, my mom's and even my husbands. With no hesitation, he said "Yes". By this time we had drawn a crowd and a wonderful family, I know sent to us from the Lord, came to our assistance. A mother with her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend, said...."We will make sure he gets up there, I know what this means to you and your dad", and with arms of steel she held me tightly and cried tears of pain, sorrow, humility and joy. My children watched in awestruck wonder, the power and strength of their father, the life-long determination and commitment of their Papa and the kindness of strangers...as my husband knelt before his father-in-law, the hands of strangers helped as dad climbed on his shoulders and with the strength of 10,00 angels my husband lifted my dad up to reach the man who gave his life for our country, allowing my dad to come home and live.

I saw something few women get to see...I saw three men that I hold dear to my heart share a moment in time that forever changed them. 3 generations of men held tightly together to bring closure to a broken heart, understanding to those who didn't experience it, and a love for a family only the Lord himself could provide. I never got the name of the woman who held me tightly, nor the young man who held my husband and father up, but they were sent from Heaven and they were angles in a time of need. Our family will never forget the grace shown us and I know there was an onlooker who was forever changed by the love they witnessed. My family has been profoundly changed by this experience and I am so blessed to have shared it with those that are dearest to my heart.

 After we left the Vietnam Wall, we walked all around DC.  As we walked my son and I were talking all about the wonderful blessings our family has and the Lord put something on our hearts....the realization that without Billy's sacrifice, my father would not have been saved, thus the lives of 3 people would have never existed...myself, my son and my daughter.  Billy allowed 3 blessings to walk this earth and we will never let that gift go unforgotten and we will press on with the Holy Spirit, never allowing his death to be in vain.

Walk With Me Daddy

I wrote this in November 2003...
...through the eyes of a child

Walk with me daddy, I have a story to tell. I know mommy's face was the first to see, but yours was the first I dreamed of. I knew you before you knew me. See, mommy's been telling me my whole life, that I was an angel. Now she didn't mean it like all the other mother's. I know this because God told me. Let's go back to when mommy was just 17.....
.....she was very ill, she was always in and out of the hospital with her ITP. She overheard the Doctor one night telling her mom that she wouldn't make it through the night and to call our Pastor. Mommy was scared and thankful to hear these words. She'd been fighting this disease for so long and she wanted to give up. She decided to turn to the Lord, the one person she knew who could answer her prayer and heal her dilemma. Mommy wanted to give up. She told Jesus she wasn't scared and she was ready to enter Heaven. She said she was sorry for all she had done wrong and reminded Him that she had always loved Him...this of course He already knew, after all He is the Lord of Lords and the Creator of the UNIVERSE! At the end of her prayer she asked God to keep her alive only if she would have a child and be a mother. To her there was nothing else worth living for. She asked the Lord not to bring her just any child, but a child that would touch the world and be a witness for Christ. See daddy, I know you weren't' there when I entered the world, but that doesn't matter. What matters most is that you are there when I enter Heaven. I want not only to see my Heavenly Father, but my earthly father as well. See daddy, God brought us to each other for a reason. We may not know why or understand why, but we must have faith in Him. Have faith in me daddy, have faith that you will always be my daddy. Have faith that Jesus saved us both and He is always listening and carrying us when we need Him. I know I was born for more than just that. Mommy knew that...oh so long ago. See daddy, God told mommy all about us. She knew I would be a wonderful child and she knows I will grow into a strong and gracious man. I will learn to be reliable, diligent, courteous and kind, to be strong in my convictions, to be joyful, pleasant, communicative, and compassionate, to be a good husband and father. All of these things I will learn from you. She knew I would grow into these things and she knew that God would be there to guide us both. If there is one thing I have learned from mommy, it is to love Jesus FIRST. She has always taught me that He is THE way, THE truth and THE life. Mommy wanted me to teach others about Christ, I promise to help her teach you. For you are the most important person in our lives. God guides us to touch others with His grace. He has touched you with mommy, now listen and hear when she speaks of Him. She knows Him and He knows her heart.
Walk with me daddy, let's walk the path together. I knew my daddy would find me. I am so happy God chose you to be my daddy, now choose Him.

Gloriousness

The sky is burning bright
A calm and serene sea
The day turning into night
This is where I wish to be

Red, purple and orange
Stretched across the sky
Graceful, joyous and peaceful
Are the dolphins jumping high

Sun, oh glorious sun
It is time for you to sleep
Awake great and wondrous moon
It is your time to reign

Reign over the earth
And cover the day
Tomorrow is a new birth
And you will go away

Come sweet moon
And put me to bed
For your wife, the sun
Has gone on ahead

Ahead to the new day
Which I have yet to see
Wisk me away
Into the rippling salt sea

In My Life

In My Life,
Thou ar’t my guiding light
Thou ar’t the shelter in the night
Without thee I’d live in fear
Because of thee I shed no tear

In My Life,
I bring thee joy
Thy gift of love through a boy
His smile, bright as thy sun
My loving grace, my only son

In my life,
Thee give me all my strength
To learn and teach, no matter what the length
Joyous is your praise
Although my life is but a maze

In my life,
Thou ar’t my guiding light
Thou ar’t the shelter in the night
Without thee I’d live in fear
Because of thee I shed no tear
I love thee always, for thee always loves me

I Pray These Things For You

I have come to see the blessings of our Creator with a different set of eyes. I suppose it is the gift of motherhood that has landed me these eyes of perception. I am merely a woman living in the awesome splendor of all God's glorious gifts. I pray never to take them for granted, I pray they grow deep roots, I pray the Branches know the Vine and most of all, I pray and pray some more. There is but One who gets us all through this world's evil nature...without Him, nothing is worth pursuing and nothing is ever achieved. I am happy to know He gives me more than I can handle, in this I know to lean on Him and have faith the He will get me through. I pray these things for you.

My Dear Daughters...

In my creation of you I have made you full of strength and dignity. I have made no mistakes in this abundant strength, although it may be unrecognizable to you. I recognize it, for I made it in you to do great and wonderful things for My Kingdom. This strength is not your own, it is Me working in you...it is a constant work growing and desiring for you to grab hold of it, grab hold of Me. Hold on tight, don't ever let go. I am here in your waking and your slumber. I am the safety in the night and the cheerful sun shinning in the day. There is no fortress that can protect you, no army that guards the door, other than Me. Remember when I said to hold on to Me?? Hold on tightly, shut up, be still and know who I am and who I have made you to be.

Your Loving Father in Heaven